People often talk about love, but most of us are not fully aware about its true essence. There is lot of misconception about efficacy of love that holds us back to generate loving feelings towards others.
Love is not possessiveness. People look love as a possession that has to be acquired and preserved. To expect that others ought to provide it to us so that our life is filled with love is the biggest fallacy, which is cause of much unhappiness.
It is not like any other material thing to be demanded from others. Even if other person offers us plenty of love, we may not be able to feel it. It is normal to blame others for not loving us, but much depends on our inner self whether it has capability to feel it from others.
Love is a feeling of well being and of good emotions. It is an activity that keeps us in good spirit and is liked to our emotions.
Let us engage and create feeling of love by making self capable through appropriate changes in our dealings with others. There is no other way to love and be loved. The physical intimacy devoid of good feelings is not love but lust. People often fail to conceive love as pious in essence. While dealing with others, let us take care that our dealings make them cheerful, by helping them to come out of their problem, appreciate their successes and be grateful for help received from them. All these activities are to express love. The benefit of giving love to others is that it appeals to our heart and makes us connected to others, provides stability and security, removes fear and gives a feeling of being good towards other people. One can get to know love by first generating such feelings of being good to others. How can a person feel love from others if he is filled with ego, anger and selfish tendencies? These negative emotions suppress inner urge to love others.
Love is a divine energy. I had a very vague idea about love initially. As I tried to understand more about it, a completely different perspective and thinking develops that explains the true essence of love. I have come to know from spiritual literature that love is God and God is love. It appears too abstract in the first instance, but more we tend to think of God will make us to love God and all other creations of God. It is like energy flowing within us derived from Ultimate that thinks positive and helps in inner purification. Albert Einstein discovered energy mass equation that explains interconnection of material and energy. It revolutionized the thinking of present century by using a small amount of mass to derive a tremendous energy. Hence, along with our material existence, somewhere we are also part of the divine energy lying within us as dormant. Logically, this divine energy which is nothing but love brings us close to Ultimate. I can imagine that every one of us has a great capacity of this divine love within us, but it is hidden, untapped and misdirected. Great saints have worked on human beings from time to time by developing intense feeling of love and concern for others. This has helped them to achieve higher levels of spiritual growth and closeness with the ultimate. The true meaning of love is inner purification of soul. This is the real purpose of love.
Love is nothing but inner need and the reason for feeling happiness. Fill the requirement of soul by being in love with other person. The other person to whom you love is only an object to be loved; it is our own emotions that create love for that person. People love someone if they feel that person is an object of love. This feeling comes out of inner need. This is the reason that when the object of love is same, but still different people react to it in a different manner. A person may become an object of love for someone but similar feelings may be missing in the heart of other person. The feeling of love resides in us; other person becomes only a facilitator to bring out this feeling. Irrespective of how good other person may be, love will have to originate from you to create that loving emotion. All other things follow thereafter. These emotions come when we feel need of love as against negative emotions of anger and hate.
The advantages of giving love to the other person are essentially to fulfill our inner need and to generate happiness. If we demand love from other person, we may not be able to feel it when our inner condition is filled with negative feelings. Love is an activity of thinking good about others, doing all that can be done to make others feel good and acting in a manner that other person feels comfortable. It is not something to be demanded as it cannot be preserved; and we cannot take it or feel it unless we make ourselves capable for it.
Everyone feels impact of love in their life. When you think good of other person, you are in same wavelength as your inner self (soul), which makes you feel light and joyful. Such feeling is love. It is not easy for a person to love someone as it takes time to understand and then develop liking of that person.
Media influences understanding of various issues in life including perception of love. Love has different connation in media, which is not actual reality. The people in love as shown in media are projected somewhat special; it makes us to realize incapable of offering or getting that sort of love. People often adore type of love which is without any argument, full of sacrifices and tolerance from the other person. The media glorifies love and shows loving couple who do so many unusual things to attract each others’ attention. It affects perception of love.
We imagine women in love as beautiful, sacrificing and never arguing. The media depicts love based on physical attraction. In actual life situation, things are different. Love does not mean that there will not be any differences and the other person will always remain dumb. It does not mean that a person not very handsome or beautiful will be less attractive and loving in nature. The attractiveness of a person is depicted from overall personality that is a combination of physical looks, positive attitude and confidence. The love stories as reflected in media and narrated by other persons do mostly narrate physical aspect of love. It does not emphasize on the emotional closeness and spiritual part of the love which is more subtle and enduring. Our perception of love is thus limited in nature.
Life is not always about happy or sad situation. It has its own moments of ups and down. How to adjust in each situation and take it in stride will greatly affect the quality of life and relationship with other people. The perception of love as being devoid of any problem, trouble and pain is thus misconception. People feel more and more pain as they are not able to live in love in relationship with other people. Our perception of love has to change. We have to live with all the problems that we face in unison, sort out our differences and make change in our life style to bring semblance of love and tolerance in our attitude. We have to meet the need of soul to develop spiritual love for other persons which goes beyond the physical attraction.
Why it is difficult to love other person?
Descriptive: The present environment due to religious, economic and cultural disparities is not conducive to create genuine feeling of love and concern for other person, and in these conditions, special efforts by cleaning of heart from bad feelings towards others are required.
Short-words: Care, compassion, tolerance, love, sensitivity
People have developed indifference towards others because of religion, cultural, national and economic differences and disparities. This has made people to hate and hearts are filled with bad feelings towards others. It affects generating feeling of love and intimacy for other human beings. We remain unconcerned about others; love and tender feelings do not come easily; we believe other human beings are different and not close to us.
The present environment is not conducive, and in these conditions, special efforts by cleaning of heart from bad feelings towards others are required. It requires a genuine feeling of love, affection and concern for other human beings. Hardly any great personality at this time either in the social or political arena preaches universal love and brotherhood. Nations and societies lay much importance on material achievements while these intangible benefits which are ideal for long lasting happiness are ignored. Much of our attention through books, preaching and media goes towards material welfare. Children, students and young people accumulate information on varied fields, but rarely educational curriculum lays importance on human values based on love and affection. It has made people to lose sight of good values of life that are built on love and compassion. People measure achievement and success with the yardstick of material comforts. Life has become unbalanced as this crucial aspect of our need is not fully emphasized.
Most of us attach so many conditions to be able to love and like other person. We expect that other person ought to deserve love from us. This impairs our capacity to love someone who needs it most. As people become more and more sophisticated and refined in their pursuit of material comforts, they tend to fall short in their capacity to love others. They find other person not capable and refined and feel it difficult to love and show good feelings to other person. The true love requires that it ought not to be conditional. Love should flow out of compassion for other person. Our heart ought to generate a feeling of love and concern. Love in the pure form means giving without expecting anything in return. This is true love. When mother loves children, it is unconditional and is pure in nature. Mother feels discomfort in attending to the child; however, she has inner urge to meet all the needs of the child and sees happiness of child as her own happiness. While loving a person one should relate the happiness of the other person as his own, and think what best one can offer to that person.
The capacity to love is impacted if we always expect to receive something from others in return. In that case, inner self lacks sufficient feelings of love and concern for other person. If we think of giving something to others in love, it requires that we are satisfied with what we have possessed. It helps to generate love for others, if we are calm and at peace with our self. The capacity of a person to give something in love does not always depend on his or her material belongings but the willingness and character of that person. Giving something does not mean offering only material possessions. We have to be good at heart to be able to give something to others in token of love and concern. If a person has willingness to give something precious to others, he or she has capacity to love others. When we think of giving to other person, we care for that person. It could be offering good advice, praises, genuine sympathy or any other help that he/she need at that material time. When mother or father loves a child they are actually taking care of the child.
Love goes with care, compassion and tolerance. These qualities are to be developed as to generate love for other person. This requires reform in our attitude to life. The efforts that go with developing such qualities help a person to enrich his life with positive energy. We will not be able to love others, if we do not make our self capable for it.
It is common to be busy about own material success, power and fame, and in the process do little to develop true feeling of love. We therefore tend to make other person believe that we love him or her, but may be lacking inner feeling of concern for that person. It is usual with so many of us to feel zealous of close friend or relative, if they are doing well in life in comparison to us. These negative tendencies keep on haunting us that affects true lovable feeling. People become cynic of others, and try to find fault. They sometimes feel unhappy to find other person better placed in life. It is not easy to develop feeling of love for other person unless we get rid of these negative attitudes. The way to adhering to moral values is to think and work for good of others. When we try to remain good to others, it develops inner feeling of love and affection. Think of loving others as much as we love ourselves.
Ego and selfish feelings come in the way to generate a feeling of love and compassion for other person. If a person is successful in his or her profession, it need not automatically make him or her to develop a feeling of love and compassion for others. Success and wealth may turn a person egoistic, and find it difficult to accept others as equal. The moment we feel higher in stature than others, makes us to expect more in love and obedience from others than we offer in return. The capacity to love others gets affected if filled with such feelings. Other persons out of inferiority complex may respect us, but it will be short of generating loving feelings in their heart. We put limit on true love by bringing these negative emotions filled with our own ego and superiority complex. It takes long time and serious efforts to clean these feelings.
It requires sensitivity to express true feeling of love.
Descriptive: Sensitivity is towards particular way we talk, express our feelings and understand other person. Feelings of love get impaired if we do not talk nicely to others, and try to tease or find fault.
Behavior, proper communication, hurt, sensitive, compassion
People often presume that they love other person, but are unaware whether such feelings are conveyed in the manner other person perceives it. It indicates lack of sensitivity to express feelings of love. What is the point in claiming to be in love with other person if you fail to bring such feelings in other person?
Love is a means of communication of good feelings to the other person. It is wish for welfare, success and happiness of a person. These feelings develop when we love a person. It makes us conscious of which actions of ours will make other person feel better. Express feelings to a person in a way it matches with his/ her sensitivity. Love making is a personal affair and each person would like to feel about love in a particular manner. Love demands emotional closeness through care, compassion, tolerance and understanding,
Sensitivity is towards particular way we talk, express our feelings and understand other person. If we take care of sensitivity of other person in these matters; it will help in more harmonious relation and better mutual understanding. Feelings of love get impaired if we do not talk nicely to others, and try to tease or find fault. Take care while talking so that in any way we do not hurt other person. There will be number of occasions in our life when we will differ with others. If a person out of ego behaves superior, it makes other person feel small and hurt.
It is usual to differ on various issues depending on background, education and overall interest. Is it worth to argue for long period to prove your point of view on any topic? It is to show your superiority. Let us not compete while arguing a point so that other person does not feel let down. These discussions ought to be more informative in nature. Let knowledge do not come in our way to block a better relationship with other person. While talking to a child, we talk in the language a child understands. We ourselves behave like a child. In the similar manner, we ought to talk to other person in the manner he or she likes and understands. The language used is the one that can bring us on same wavelength with that of other person. These are real life situations which each person observes, but we often ignore it. People fail to assess sensitivity of the other person and not able to connect emotionally.
The other person is not interested to know about your successes and achievement. To derive close loving feelings, discuss issues relating to the welfare of that person. Discuss his/her achievements, problems and overall welfare. Take interest in other person’s welfare. Provide encouragement, sympathy or consolation whatever desired to boost the morale of that person. Take genuine interest in the other person so that he/she feels free to reveal his inner feelings. The body language talks lot and gives different meaning to other person. Be sensitive to align your body language to make a positive impact on other person. Love and happiness can be achieved only if able to match the sensitivity of other person. The genuine need to bring happiness in the other person helps in understanding the sensitivity of that person.
Love is subtle in nature and it does not have immediate tangible benefits. We need certain transformation within to develop a feeling of love and concern for others. These feelings come provided we value welfare of others as important as our own, and this gets reflected in our attitude towards others. Some people by heart are considerate and helpful to others. People who consider self- interest more important take time to develop these finer qualities. What we expect from life directs our responses and dealings with other people. Apart from how other people treat us, it is our inner urge that drives us to feel love and concern for other people.
We often find couples depicting love towards each other in presence of others by routinely hugging and kissing. People say ‘I Love You’ too often to others around them, but have to find within whether they are true to their word. To express love only through words is not sufficient. It has to be depicted in action. Sometimes, we are not sure of our love towards others, but repeat these words of love to satisfy that person.
What is offered in love to others be in a subtle manner, without giving feeling of obligation to the receiver. If some help is imparted out of our ego, it may not generate any love for that person. Take care of other person’s worries and find out what makes him/her better. Help in improving self esteem of other person. There are lot of people to find fault if things do not turn out properly. It is our role to make other person feel better against difficulties and odds by enhancing self-esteem and focusing on good things. Do not be quick to point out weakness of a person. This attitude makes other person feel inferior. Take care of sensitivity of a person and make him or her feel better in your company. Subtleness in love is something that is not to be expressed in words but actions speaks of the concern for the other person.
Love of mother for the children is example of subtle form of love. She will try to protect the child from all the criticism. She will not disown the child if not doing well in life. Her love is not limited by external factors. Whether the child is intelligent or not, she will continue to take care of the child. She is sensitive to the feelings of the child.
Help could come in the form of reducing the burden of worries through encouragement. Praise other person for any good thing accomplished. All these forms of expressing love are more subtle in nature and other person feels more carried out by these feelings. Our caring nature and sensitivity to the feelings of other person help in improving quality of our love. Each kiss and hug ought to accompany love through more subtle manner.
In the true love towards other person, it involves absolute truthfulness without fear of deception. This requires honesty with the other person. Believe something about the person but express it differently shows lack of honesty. Mind and heart have to be in unison, when we deal with the person, so as to adopt honesty in our thought and deeds. In the matter of dealing with other people, we are influenced by our feelings of love and affection generated through our heart while our mind values the relationship based on mutual benefit. It becomes matter of inner conflict as how much we should give in a relation and how much to receive. At times whatever we express may not be necessarily what we feel about the person. Our relationship at times lacks sensitivity which affects true love.
To be in love with others is the need of soul, same as food is the need of our body. We always feel urge to connect with the other person through love and feeling of intimacy. Being intimate with others does not mean physical intimacy, but it encompasses broader meaning of better understanding through love and compassion. Intimacy requires that we open our hearts and fill it with the love of the other soul. Love others as your soul mates so as to be in true love with the other person.